I'm your dust!

Ash Wednesday was a few days ago. You may recall that ever since I've been working with Hindus, I've felt led to observe Ash Wednesday, as a visible witness (not to mention conversation starter).

This year my office has been temporarily moved downtown, so I suddenly had to scurry around to find a church. I felt pretty uncomfortable about the whole thing. I was under the mistaken impression that the church was Catholic (although it was actually Episcopalian), I was running out during working hours (since I had a meeting during lunch time), and I wondered if I was overemphasizing the symbol, and falling into ritualism.

I entered the church feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious. I decided to take a pew near the front so I could scope it out, and see what the procedure was (in case any weird genuflections were needed). But as long as I was sitting there, I figured I might as well pray. And as long as I was praying, I might as well kneel. And before I knew it, I was experiencing a true wave of penitence -- not for any specific action, but simply knowledge of my innate human sinfulness, and my need for God's continuing grace. Of course, this spiritual moment kept being interrupted by my peeking through my hands to watch the people going up for their ashes.

In any event, I finally decided to go up for the ashes. For some reason, the liturgical term is 'imposition'. Personally, I think it would be a favor if the pope would choose another word, but I digress. The person who imposes the ashes (imposer? impositeur?) solemnly intones:
"Remember that you came from dust, and to dust you shall return."
I returned to my pew, and surprised myself by weeping, weighted down by a sense of sin and mortality. And suddenly the Holy Spirit filled my heart with surprising joy, and my heart responded:
"But I'm not just any dust...I'm YOUR dust!"
And I left, full of joy at the knowledge that I belong to God.

My sublime moment was still with me as I exited the building, and found myself on the sidewalk, sporting my ashes with contentment, but suddenly noticing the competing symbols of our culture. The street was still covered with confetti from the Giants' parade the previous day. In fact, some of the confetti (including whole sheets of paper) was still blowing through the air, which then reminded me of 9/11. And as I looked at the street, where vehicle traffic was restricted, to protect the stock exchange, I realized that I was seeing the celebration of idols of money and celebrity--A true New York moment.

I went back to my desk and immediately encountered a Hindu co-worker, who was clearly distressed to see the big black mark on my forehead, but too polite to say anything. I decided to help her out.
Are you looking at my ashes?
Yes, Ann. [a little tentative]
This is a religious observance. Would you like to know what it symbolizes?
Yes, Ann. [curious]
Today is called Ash Wednesday [blah blah blah]... and then comes Easter, the most joyful day of the Christian year.
Easter? not Christmas! [incredulous]
Easter is the most joyful day, because it is the day that Jesus rose from the dead. It is because he lives, that he can save us, and forgive us our sins.
I did not know that, Ann.