If I say 'hi' does that count as an outreach?

I'm trying to think of an outreach to do.

There are several reasons this is hard for me:
1) I'm not good at meeting new people
2) Many of the suggested outreaches would totally not work in the New York city area. Knock on someone's door! Ask if you can come in to change their lightbulbs! I wouldn't mind the service itself, but I just can't imagine anyone saying 'yes'. I can actually imagine them calling the police.
3) I'm not good at meeting new people
4) This is such an affluent area that it's hard to think of something affordable that would still touch people's heart. And I wouldn't mind leaf raking, but almost every home in this town already hires a landscaping service.
5) I'm not good at meeting new people
6) with my difficulty recognizing people, I don't even know which ones are new

So now I'll list reasons that it will somehow work:
1) God will give me grace to do what I need to do.
2) I'm motivated to move beyond my comfort zone, and do the best I can
3) Mike (my fellow VLI'er) will help me
4) God will give me an idea for something that I can do.

What happens when an introvert does an outreach?

I'm probably not ever going to find this easy, but at least I was able to participate. It was great that Mike had everything arranged. The organization made me much more comfortable with everything.
I started with the parking meter outreach. That one made the most sense to me, because I know that people hate those machines that they have to key their spot numbers into. My partner was really terrific . I learned a lot from watching how she initiated contact with people. She was very unthreatening.
"We'd like to pay for your parking today".
It's almost automatic that the person says 'OK' -- since it doesn't put them into the position of a supplicant. And usually they follow it up with "Why?", which leads to our next line "to show God's love in a practical way". Later on I had a chance to see what other teams were doing, and found some of their approaches intimidating.
"Did you already pay for your parking?" sounds almost threatening to me. Some people got a little defensive, saying "I'm just about to".

It's kind of funny. I'm not bringing any natural talent to know how to do this, or what to say, but my ability to analyze and observe might be a good compensation after all. I'll work on copying the approaches that seem to work better.

Of course, the whole thing is complicated by the fact that I don't recognize people's faces. When the outreach teams moved back and forth between the various stations, I didn't even realize that they were 'us' -- I thought they were strangers, and was about to offer them meter money. It's hard for people to understand that I'm not kidding when I don't recognize them. Luckily, I noticed one woman's distinctive shirt, and figured out who she was, just in time.

What should I learn this week?

This week was a little bizarre. I had to study for a test at work, on Capital Markets. So I was busy memorizing things like the definition of an interest rate swap, and the difference between a forward and a future. But now that my books for VLI finally came, I was eager to get started, so I wanted to study them too. And I'm disappointed in myself that I got bogged down in my scripture memorization, and I wanted to finish memorizing Ephesians 3, but I only know the first part so far, and even that is shaky.

Well, I didn't cover myself with glory, but I made it through the test at work. I got panicked in the middle, because there was no way to save your answers until you submitted the test for scoring. Anyone who has worked a lot with computers knows enough to not trust them. So when someone burnt some popcorn, and I smelled the smoke, I immediately imagined having to evacuate the building, and losing all my answers and failing the test, so I hit the 'submit' button an hour before the end of the test, just to make sure that my answers were recorded.

So now I've mentally switched back to Ephesians. It's got such great prayers in it. I want to learn to pray these prayers for myself and others.

+And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God+.

Where are my books?

My great plan of doing a lot of the reading ahead of time has hit a snag. My books still have not come (except the little one, A Testament of Devotion). My theory was that if I got ahead on the reading, then I could cope with a heavy week at work, by just managing the classes, but coasting on the homework. So now I'm feeling really pressured. I called the bookstore, and they said that they were processing my order, but the books had actually just arrived the day before.

So now I see that even less is under my control than I thought! But I did manage to convert my internet connection at home to broadband; purchase an MP3 player; and order a headset for my phone, so I'm making a little progress on my efficiency plans after all.

The Light Within

I've been reading A Testament of Devotion. I've been trying to read it slowly, on purpose. Part of me is so eager to get going, that I want to just rush through it, but it is clear to me that the value in the book is not just reading the words, but meditating on the concepts, and trying out the approach. Listen to this, from the essay called The Light Within, on pg 12
Walk and talk and work and laugh with your friends. But behind the scenes, keep up the life of simple prayer and inward worship. Keep it up throughout the day. Let inward prayer be your last act before you fall asleep and the first act when you awake.

Now that's worth learning. It's hard for me to connect with the Lord during the work-day -- things are so chaotic and urgent. Yet that's when I need to learn it the most.

I've also been listening to a tape series by Brennan Manning. It sort of fits in. He recommends sitting quietly before the Lord and simply saying "Abba, I belong to you". And then carrying that in one's heart throughout the day. But while I know it intellectually, it doesn't come naturally to say it yet. But I think I'll keep trying.

+Abba, I belong to You+

orientation

Now that I got my acceptance letter, I logged on to the website today and listened to part of the orientation. It's so exciting. And I had a totally different reaction from some of the students last year. I was warned by them that the orientation is discouraging, because it talks about how hard it will be, and that people will end up dropping out.

I got something totally different out of the orientation. Maybe it's because I'm comparing it to my experience at NYU. I still remember the orientation lecture for my advanced degree. The head of the department gave a speech in which he said that only 1 out of 10 of us would make it through, and that it would take at least 10 years (if we did not have to spend time supporting ourselves), and that the rest of us might as well quit right now. So when Steve Robbins said that VLI will be difficult, and that we'll have to make choices, but that if we are called to this program by God, we should persevere, I thought it was amazingly encouraging. I kept contrasting the VLI approach with the NYU approach. At NYU it seemed that they were actually proud of the attrition rate. At VLI, I feel that they want us not only to complete the program but also to go on and serve the Kingdom. It's sort of like having a built-in cheering section.

But I'm frustrated that my books have not come yet. In fact, they have not even been shipped, and the expected shipping dates have been extended. I'm fantasizing that maybe 300 VLI students suddenly all placed orders for the same obscure books, and used them all up. So I checked the Columbus bookstore, which says they are in stock and ready for shipping, and I cancelled Amazon, and re-ordered from Columbus a couple of days ago.

Thank you, Sami

Sami gave me a reality check the other day. I was telling him how frustrated I was because I wanted to get a head start, and order my books, but I hadn't received an acceptance letter yet, so I didn't know if I was in the program.
And he looked at me in that slightly puzzled way and said: "You're in".
So I said, "What do you mean? How do you know?"
And he replied "If they didn't tell you that you're not in, then you're in."
Hmmm. This is a little different from when I was in graduate school. I guess I should go ahead and order my books.

I ordered the books from Amazon, along with an MP3 player. Everything is supposed to ship in 2-3 days.